The fat girl with the pretty face
08/16/2017
I have been fat for as long as I can remember. Even before kindergarten. Always the fat girl with the pretty face.
The first diet I ever went on was in 6th grade. My mother joined weight watchers, even though she had very little weight to lose. I think she joined to help me. She prepared all my food and all I had to do was eat it. I got down to a normal weight. I don't know what happened that I gained it all back, but that started my life of dieting. Being fat in elementary school, junior high school, high school and college is not an experience I would wish on anyone. The comments are intentional and hateful. The comments have nothing to do with what kind of person you are. It doesn't matter - you are fat and that's all they see.
In 1991 at age 30 I became pregnant with my son. I weighed around 320 at that time. The delivery was difficult due to my weight, but thankfully I delivered a healthy 9.7 lb boy. My weight continued to climb. Within 10 years I was over 400 pounds. My son was teased at school due to his mother's weight. It hurt him terribly to have people say hateful things about the mother he loved so very much.
In December 2002 I underwent gastric bypass surgery. I had to lose 50 pounds prior to the surgery. I went from 430 to around 380. My lowest weight following the surgery was 280.
And I gained it all back.
My weight has hovered around 400 for at least the six years.
This past weekend I went away for the weekend with my son to two Green Day concerts. The first night we had seats, but I couldn't fit in the seat. Thankfully when Green Day took the stage the entire audience stood up so I could sit sideways in the seat for the next two hours. I had bruises on my hips from the seat. The next night at a different venue we had pit tickets for Green Day. My son is a huge Green Day fan and I wanted him to be right up by the stage so we arrived 2 hrs prior to the start of the concert. That meant standing on a cement floor for 2 hrs prior to the opening band, who played for 30 minutes. Then there was another 30 minutes until Green Day took the stage and I knew from the previous night their set was at least 2 hrs. There was no way my feet, knees, hips would be able to stand and hold up 400 pounds for that long. I was already exhausted. I asked an arena employee if there was anywhere I could sit and they very graciously brought me a chair so I could sit at the edge of the pit area. The fat woman who couldn't stand with her son at a concert.
All the way back on our drive home I said to myself I can't continue to live my life like this. I can't participate in normal activities. My knees ache. My hips ache. My back aches. Every single place we go I worry and wonder if I will fit in the seat.
Monday I decided to start an eating plan that would be simple and something I could continue long term. I had some Weight Watchers smoothie mixes in the cupboard from several years prior. I brought a blender to work and had a smoothie for breakfast made with Greek yogurt. It was surprisingly filling. At lunch I put two Trader Joe's Thai Veggie Burgers on a pannini grill and topped each with a tablespoon of Trader Joe's Sweet Thai sauce. Also very good and filling, but I was hungry again two hours later, so I made another smoothie. That held me until I got home from work and then I microwaved a bag of Green Giant cauliflower rice with carrots and peas. I topped it with two tablespoons of the Sweet Thai sauce. This was very filling! I drank a lot of water throughout the day, and went to bed feeling like the day was successful.
Tuesday I ate exactly the same things but I wasn't as hungry as Monday, which was good!
Today is my third day and I have had my morning smoothie and my two veggie burgers. I am eating under 1000 calories a day. I hope within a couple weeks that my energy will increase and I can get back to walking, which I used to love.
We have tickets to see Steve Martin and Martin Short in Chicago in early October. That gives me about two months to improve my chances of being able to shove my ample rear into the venue seat.
I have been fat for as long as I can remember. Even before kindergarten. Always the fat girl with the pretty face.
The first diet I ever went on was in 6th grade. My mother joined weight watchers, even though she had very little weight to lose. I think she joined to help me. She prepared all my food and all I had to do was eat it. I got down to a normal weight. I don't know what happened that I gained it all back, but that started my life of dieting. Being fat in elementary school, junior high school, high school and college is not an experience I would wish on anyone. The comments are intentional and hateful. The comments have nothing to do with what kind of person you are. It doesn't matter - you are fat and that's all they see.
In 1991 at age 30 I became pregnant with my son. I weighed around 320 at that time. The delivery was difficult due to my weight, but thankfully I delivered a healthy 9.7 lb boy. My weight continued to climb. Within 10 years I was over 400 pounds. My son was teased at school due to his mother's weight. It hurt him terribly to have people say hateful things about the mother he loved so very much.
In December 2002 I underwent gastric bypass surgery. I had to lose 50 pounds prior to the surgery. I went from 430 to around 380. My lowest weight following the surgery was 280.
And I gained it all back.
My weight has hovered around 400 for at least the six years.
This past weekend I went away for the weekend with my son to two Green Day concerts. The first night we had seats, but I couldn't fit in the seat. Thankfully when Green Day took the stage the entire audience stood up so I could sit sideways in the seat for the next two hours. I had bruises on my hips from the seat. The next night at a different venue we had pit tickets for Green Day. My son is a huge Green Day fan and I wanted him to be right up by the stage so we arrived 2 hrs prior to the start of the concert. That meant standing on a cement floor for 2 hrs prior to the opening band, who played for 30 minutes. Then there was another 30 minutes until Green Day took the stage and I knew from the previous night their set was at least 2 hrs. There was no way my feet, knees, hips would be able to stand and hold up 400 pounds for that long. I was already exhausted. I asked an arena employee if there was anywhere I could sit and they very graciously brought me a chair so I could sit at the edge of the pit area. The fat woman who couldn't stand with her son at a concert.
All the way back on our drive home I said to myself I can't continue to live my life like this. I can't participate in normal activities. My knees ache. My hips ache. My back aches. Every single place we go I worry and wonder if I will fit in the seat.
Monday I decided to start an eating plan that would be simple and something I could continue long term. I had some Weight Watchers smoothie mixes in the cupboard from several years prior. I brought a blender to work and had a smoothie for breakfast made with Greek yogurt. It was surprisingly filling. At lunch I put two Trader Joe's Thai Veggie Burgers on a pannini grill and topped each with a tablespoon of Trader Joe's Sweet Thai sauce. Also very good and filling, but I was hungry again two hours later, so I made another smoothie. That held me until I got home from work and then I microwaved a bag of Green Giant cauliflower rice with carrots and peas. I topped it with two tablespoons of the Sweet Thai sauce. This was very filling! I drank a lot of water throughout the day, and went to bed feeling like the day was successful.
Tuesday I ate exactly the same things but I wasn't as hungry as Monday, which was good!
Today is my third day and I have had my morning smoothie and my two veggie burgers. I am eating under 1000 calories a day. I hope within a couple weeks that my energy will increase and I can get back to walking, which I used to love.
We have tickets to see Steve Martin and Martin Short in Chicago in early October. That gives me about two months to improve my chances of being able to shove my ample rear into the venue seat.
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